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Family Talk Blog

Make self-care a priority

Dr. Paul | November 28, 2018 |
 
Father and son shaving in the bathroom.

My youngest daughter, in her early 30’s, has a demanding job in a start-up company while her husband is working long hours on expanding a new business. The challenge—they are also running after their 19-month old toddler.  When I talk to my daughter she always seems stressed—not by the parenting portion of her life, but by the demands of her job. She gets texts and emails at all hours of the day and night.

When I was her age, with two little kids, I don’t remember working as hard as she does. My wife worked half-time and so there was a little more tranquility in our household. I... Read More

A holiday message

Dr. Paul | November 21, 2018 |
 
Family enjoying each others company at the dinner table.

All of us are connected with each other.

When we sit down for dinner and eat a slice of bread, we bite down into the crusty dough, only thinking about how delicious it tastes. We might be thankful that we picked up this great loaf of bread at our local supermarket.

But dig a little deeper. A farmer had to buy the seed and plant it in his field with his tractor that was manufactured by 100’s of factory workers. The seed was fertilized—the fertilizer was produced in another plant run by 100’s of workers. Scores of farm workers made sure the soil was watered and weeded.  The... Read More

How to cope with disappointment

Dr. Paul | November 14, 2018 |
 
Disappointed adult man.

The other day, an acquaintance told me— “I’m afraid to dream about the future. I’ve had so many disappointments in my life. I don’t want to be disappointed again.” As a psychologist, I’ve heard this sentiment many times. But when I asked him about these disappointments, he brought up events that are part of the natural course of life—the death of a loved one or changes in work life. His life hadn’t turned out the way he had imagined. When he was in his 20’s, he envisioned a different life than he is living. Now in his mid 50’s, he’s afraid to dream about the future.

It’s not... Read More

The holidays are around the corner

Dr. Paul | November 08, 2018 |
 
Family playing outside in the fall weather.

Thanksgiving is knocking on our door, with Christmas just around the corner. Autumn is always a busy time for families. School and soccer start with a bang in September. I remember chauffeuring my kids to practice and games. I don’t miss standing out in the rain while they ran back and forth! Progress reports have arrived and sometimes that suggests a readjustment of activities and structure. It's all part of the autumn cycle.

The holidays offer a brief respite from this daily routine. They are a semi-colon in the middle of a long sentence. Thanksgiving and Christmas can create a... Read More

Low back pain—ouch!

Dr. Paul | November 02, 2018 |
 
Senior man with lower back pain getting out of bed.

Several weeks ago, I was shopping at Macy’s. I bent over to pick up something and BOING, my lower back and glutes seized up! I was bent over in pain and could barely walk. I managed to get to my car and drive home. Feeling sorry for myself, miserable, my big plans for the weekend shot—I was pretty much good for nothing.

This wasn’t my first bout of lower back pain, but this was my first acute episode in several years.  What had I learned from previous occurrences? Generally, for me, these painful incidents were preceded by stress and tension.

Low back pain is one of the... Read More

Are you feeling foggy?

Dr. Paul | October 24, 2018 |
 
Reading by the light with child.

It’s time. Turn on the lights.

The days are getting shorter and as of the end of October, we have about 10 and a quarter hours of daylight. At the winter solstice, we only see the sun for about 8 and a half hours! It gets pretty dark around here. And that doesn't figure in that Seattle is the top city in America with the most number of cloudy days—226 to be exact.

I moved to the Northwest 26 years ago in July. I fell in love with the long, sunny days of summer. The western sky was still glowing at 10 pm! But when autumn arrived, I noticed right away that the sunset a lot... Read More

Passing the generational baton

Dr. Paul | October 17, 2018 |
 
Young child working with older adult.

This month, my honorary aunt, Anita, passed away at age 95. Sadly, she developed Alzheimer’s in her early 90’s, and her last years were spent in assisted living. She was the last of my family and friends who were members of the “greatest” generation. These men and women lived through the Great Depression, World War II, the Holocaust, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War.  They had cores of steel. My kids and I referred to my mom and her women friends as the “amazing ladies”. And, they were. Anita was the last one standing.

Now, I am the older generation.

It’s a sobering... Read More

Is it time for a school year reset?

Dr. Paul | October 11, 2018 |
 
Girl walking to school.

The beginning of October brings fall colors, rain, and student progress reports. How is Joey doing this year? The school year always starts slowly and then speeds up with a bang. It’s a new grade, with new expectations, and new learning. Everything gets a little bit harder than last year. In some grades (3rd, 7th, 9th, and 11th) much harder.

It’s a good time to go back to the drawing board and evaluate what’s working well and what needs to be tweaked. Kids are eternal optimists. At the beginning of the school year, they are confident— “Sure I can do it all!”. But how has it actually... Read More

Living in your body

Dr. Paul | September 27, 2018 |
 
Adult female.

I recently read a very interesting book on trauma, called “Your body keeps the score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk M.D., a well-known psychiatrist. This work describes how traumatic experiences and early life trauma, in particular, are registered in our minds, our brains, and in our bodies. These challenging memories get stored in our guts—our muscles and our viscera. But they become disconnected from the story of what happened.

It reminded me of why so many people struggle to inhabit their bodies more fully.

Modern life has become so cerebral. If our bodies reflected how we live... Read More

The Jewish New Year

Dr. Paul | September 21, 2018 |
 

While it’s several months away from the secular New Year, this time of year marks the Jewish New Year—Rosh Hashanah. During this 10-day cycle, Jews, all over the world, celebrate the New Year, but also prepare for Yom Kippur, the last day of this period, which is a day for atonement. It is said that at the beginning of the New Year, God has already decided each person’s fate for the coming year—who will have good fortune and who will not. But this decree can be changed by three important actions--turning within, prayer, and performing good deeds. 

During this time of year, I think... Read More

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