Family Talk Blog

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Not underestimating the importance of grandparents

Dr. Paul | June 13, 2019 |

When I was 8 years old, my paternal grandmother moved in with our family. My mother, who lost her mom when she was 18, was very close to her mother-in-law. My father was overseas at the end of World War II when my older brother was born. My mother was 21-years-old, with a newborn, and moved in with my grandmother. Living in a multi-generational family wasn't new to her.

I loved having my grandmother live with us. My mom worked full time and so my grandma took up the slack. In those days, I came home for lunch. I remember steaming bowls of chicken soup waiting for me. When I came... Read More

Helping adults and children cope with trauma

Dr. Paul | June 06, 2019 |

Last week I attended the 30th annual International Trauma Conference titled Psychological Trauma: Neuroscience, embodiment, and the restoration of the self. Several thousand mental health clinicians from around the world attended. It was sponsored by Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D., one of the world’s foremost researchers and clinicians in the field of developmental trauma. He wrote an excellent book called “The Body Keeps the Score,” which I highly recommend.

In the last 10 years, the field of neuroscience has blossomed. With new brain imaging techniques, we can better map the brain and... Read More

Negotiating a summer home with your college student

Dr. Paul | May 29, 2019 |

College students are coming home for the summer. It’s a huge readjustment for older teens who were living in dorms and in off-campus housing. At school, they had complete freedom to come and go as they please, with no parental oversight. No one to ask you when you’re coming home, where you’re going, who you’re going with, or what you’re planning to do. No one to bug you about cleaning up your room or folding your laundry.

I remember when our kids came home from college, especially their first summer. They were snarky when I asked them when they were coming home from a night out with... Read More

Overcoming loneliness in today's age

Dr. Paul | May 22, 2019 |

Despite the rapid growth of social media, a recent survey of 20,000 American adults found that nearly half reported feeling sometimes or always lonely. It’s a paradox. On the one hand, some adults have acquired hundreds of Facebook and Instagram friends and follow their every move. Some folks are receiving and sending texts to family and friends by the bucketload. But on the other hand, these same adults feel lonely. It doesn't make sense. Or does it?

Humans are pack animals, like our close friends, canines. We want to be part of a pack (family), have connections with others, and... Read More

Helping children with emotional and behavioral dysregulation

Dr. Paul | May 15, 2019 |

When my youngest daughter was little, I realized that she was a spirited child. She was strong-willed and highly reactive. When she got upset, she had no trouble letting us know. At the time, I read a wonderful book called “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka which had many helpful hints. Her book was first published in 1991 and is still relevant today.

In the last 25 years, innovations in neuroscience have helped us better understand the physiological basis for what we now call emotional and behavioral dysregulation.

The frontal cortex of our brains, which... Read More

Setting your mind to deal with setbacks

Dr. Paul | May 07, 2019 |

I recently attended a magnificent modern ballet performance by the Dance Theatre of Harlem. These dancers were amazing. They were able to move their bodies in ways that seemed impossible to me. And of course, like most professionals, they made it look easy. We were spellbound.

While I’m happy to be able to touch my toes, reach for cereal from a high shelf, carry heavy bags of groceries from my car into the house, and walk around Green Lake, I love seeing adults leap into the air. It reminds me of something that many of us don’t fully realize.

We can do pretty much anything we... Read More

Managing your time and energy

Dr. Paul | May 01, 2019 |

In the 21st century, both time and energy are in short supply. Many of us have plenty of food, maybe even too much. A lot of us have decent shelter, although it’s gotten more expensive. But, we struggle getting everything done, day to day and week to week. And after time with our kids, our partner, work, laundry, the yard, the house, shopping, cooking and cleaning, we are short on time and energy for ourselves. After all of those “to do’s,” we’re out of gas. Each of us only has so much vitality, both physical and mental. Some of this is constitutional. Don’t you just hate your friend who... Read More

Spring cleaning

Dr. Paul | April 24, 2019 |

Spring is here! The trees are leafing out with their palette of green. Spring flowers are blooming everywhere and fruit trees are wearing their multi-colored blossoms. It’s nature’s moment of renewal and celebration.

This season always harkens a new start after winter’s cold and darkness. Many of us have our spring cleaning ritual—scrubbing floors and dirty corners, steam-cleaning rugs, and emptying out overstuffed closets and cabinets. It’s a time for cleaning up gardens from winter storms that left leaves and branches on lawns and flower beds. It’s time to plant new flowers and... Read More

The value of team sports

Dr. Paul | April 18, 2019 |

Mary Jean is worried about her 15-year-old daughter, Sarah, who struggles in school. She’s often an indifferent student—her real passion is soccer. She isn’t the best player on the team, but she loves the sport and puts huge effort into every practice. She gets along well with the rest of her team, works hard, always shows up, and doesn't give up when the going gets tough. She listens to her coach. And while she’s a strong competitor, and would love to have more time on the playing field, she doesn't complain when it’s her turn to sit on the bench.

Yet, when it comes to reading... Read More

Becoming the person you hope to be

Dr. Paul | April 10, 2019 |

Two months ago, I retired from my job as Director of the Behavioral Health department of The Everett Clinic. I was hired 25 years ago to start the department, and for a quarter of a century I was at the helm. It was a great job. Sure, I had my ups and downs, but I loved having the opportunity to try out different ways of providing a high quality service to our patients. During those years, I also saw patients half-time as a psychologist. I had the privilege of working with many kids in the 1990’s who became adults and then had their own children. They always thought of me as their family... Read More

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