Family Talk Blog

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Helping children with emotional and behavioral dysregulation

Dr. Paul | May 15, 2019 |

When my youngest daughter was little, I realized that she was a spirited child. She was strong-willed and highly reactive. When she got upset, she had no trouble letting us know. At the time, I read a wonderful book called “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka which had many helpful hints. Her book was first published in 1991 and is still relevant today.

In the last 25 years, innovations in neuroscience have helped us better understand the physiological basis for what we now call emotional and behavioral dysregulation.

The frontal cortex of our brains, which... Read More

Setting your mind to deal with setbacks

Dr. Paul | May 07, 2019 |

I recently attended a magnificent modern ballet performance by the Dance Theatre of Harlem. These dancers were amazing. They were able to move their bodies in ways that seemed impossible to me. And of course, like most professionals, they made it look easy. We were spellbound.

While I’m happy to be able to touch my toes, reach for cereal from a high shelf, carry heavy bags of groceries from my car into the house, and walk around Green Lake, I love seeing adults leap into the air. It reminds me of something that many of us don’t fully realize.

We can do pretty much anything we... Read More

Managing your time and energy

Dr. Paul | May 01, 2019 |

In the 21st century, both time and energy are in short supply. Many of us have plenty of food, maybe even too much. A lot of us have decent shelter, although it’s gotten more expensive. But, we struggle getting everything done, day to day and week to week. And after time with our kids, our partner, work, laundry, the yard, the house, shopping, cooking and cleaning, we are short on time and energy for ourselves. After all of those “to do’s,” we’re out of gas. Each of us only has so much vitality, both physical and mental. Some of this is constitutional. Don’t you just hate your friend who... Read More

Spring cleaning

Dr. Paul | April 24, 2019 |

Spring is here! The trees are leafing out with their palette of green. Spring flowers are blooming everywhere and fruit trees are wearing their multi-colored blossoms. It’s nature’s moment of renewal and celebration.

This season always harkens a new start after winter’s cold and darkness. Many of us have our spring cleaning ritual—scrubbing floors and dirty corners, steam-cleaning rugs, and emptying out overstuffed closets and cabinets. It’s a time for cleaning up gardens from winter storms that left leaves and branches on lawns and flower beds. It’s time to plant new flowers and... Read More

The value of team sports

Dr. Paul | April 18, 2019 |

Mary Jean is worried about her 15-year-old daughter, Sarah, who struggles in school. She’s often an indifferent student—her real passion is soccer. She isn’t the best player on the team, but she loves the sport and puts huge effort into every practice. She gets along well with the rest of her team, works hard, always shows up, and doesn't give up when the going gets tough. She listens to her coach. And while she’s a strong competitor, and would love to have more time on the playing field, she doesn't complain when it’s her turn to sit on the bench.

Yet, when it comes to reading... Read More

Becoming the person you hope to be

Dr. Paul | April 10, 2019 |

Two months ago, I retired from my job as Director of the Behavioral Health department of The Everett Clinic. I was hired 25 years ago to start the department, and for a quarter of a century I was at the helm. It was a great job. Sure, I had my ups and downs, but I loved having the opportunity to try out different ways of providing a high quality service to our patients. During those years, I also saw patients half-time as a psychologist. I had the privilege of working with many kids in the 1990’s who became adults and then had their own children. They always thought of me as their family... Read More

Fathers and sons

Dr. Paul | April 03, 2019 |

On April 1st, my father would have celebrated his 99th birthday.

When he was 87, he learned that he had inoperable lung cancer. When he told me, I was surprised how sad I felt. He had always been relatively healthy—despite having the usual cardiovascular problems of older age. I thought I was prepared for the inevitable. I wasn’t.

As an adult, I always felt distant from my father. We spoke different languages. He was a scientist, a technician, an engineer who lived in the world of facts, symbols, and numbers. I am a psychologist, who lives in the world of people.

Are you a "snow plow" parent?

Dr. Paul | March 28, 2019 |

Caucasian family sitting together smiling.

The recent news, about wealthy parents enlisting the help of a “college admissions” company to falsify their children’s college application, has received a great deal of publicity. Frankly, what these parents did was disgusting. Some of the kids had no idea their parents were pulling strings, while I’m sure others knew perfectly well what their parents were up to. Children growing up in wealthy families know all about privilege—getting to the head of the line isn’t a new experience for them.

But it raises a number of issues for us ordinary parents who don’t have the means to grease... Read More

Reflections on “A star is born”

Dr. Paul | March 19, 2019 |

While flying home from a visit with my granddaughters, I saw the recent remake of “A star is born”. It’s a well done film. I had no idea that Lady Gaga (Ally) had such a beautiful voice. Ally’s rise to stardom, based on good fortune and amazing talent, was heartwarming. But Jackson’s story, is sad, painful, and all too familiar. It’s the story of alcoholism and drug addiction and the rising suicide rate among middle aged adults. It’s a tragedy that touches all of us—either directly or indirectly.

Statistics only show us the view from 30,000 feet. In 2017, the highest suicide rate... Read More

Functional fitness as we age

Dr. Paul | March 13, 2019 |

Senior aged adults being active outdoors.

Growing older brings greater wisdom and perspective. But it also brings aches and pains that come with an aging body. When I get up in the middle of the night for a trip to the bathroom, my body is stiff and tight. I hate to think about what I might look like as I take those first few steps.

The good news is that once I get going in the morning, my body warms up, and moves more comfortably. But there’s no question about it, my flexibility, endurance, and strength is declining. This is, despite the fact, that like many North Westerners, I’m reasonably active. I like to walk and bike... Read More

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