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Family Talk Blog

Is easy better than hard?

Dr. Paul | February 06, 2019 |
 
Take the easy way or the hard way.

I’m old enough to remember when TV dinners were first introduced in the early 1950s. Wow! They were revolutionary at the time. They were packaged in aluminum plates with little compartments for the turkey, peas, mashed potatoes, and desert. Just throw these pre-cooked, frozen meals in the oven, set them on TV trays, and you could eat a piping hot meal while watching television. And no dishes to wash! What could be better? My mom loved them.

Human beings are engineered to find easier and more convenient ways of living, surviving, and thriving. Rubbing two sticks together every time... Read More

Letting go

Dr. Paul | January 30, 2019 |
 
Man enjoying a moment to breathe outdoors.

Today, I am sitting on a beautiful beach in Kauai, soaking up the sun, making up for months of darkness and clouds that our Pacific Northwest brings. Bring on the Vitamin D! Getting out during the winter and finding a sunny spot somewhere is a great pick-me-up during a Northwest winter.

Winter vacations, whether they be for skiing, sun, or just going somewhere else are always appreciated. But what if it rains in Mexico? What if it’s too windy at the beach? What if the temperature warms up the snow turns to slush? What if the kids get sick? What if you get a bad cold? There is a long... Read More

The Big Five: Making Relationships Work

Dr. Paul | January 23, 2019 |
 
In January, our Behavioral Health team sees a tsunami wave of couples who held it together over the holidays, and now they’re coming in for help.    Love and living under the same roof are intricate. While love tends to be simpler, cohabitation requires constant communication, negotiation, and trust—all of which can be diminished by vast differences in temperament and personality.    It seems to be a human trait that opposites attract—and then these very different adults spend the next 20 years trying to get the other person to be just like them! A recipe for misery.   The beginning months of... Read More

In-Laws or Outlaws?

Dr. Paul | January 16, 2019 |
 
I was fortunate, my in-laws and I got along famously. Over the years, we became close as we got to know each other. I think they were very happy that I married their daughter. They thought I was a “catch”. I didn't want to disappoint them.   My wife wasn't so fortunate. My mother didn't appreciate Diane. Maybe they were too similar—both strong willed and opinionated. Not long after we had children, sparks started to fly. Over the years, it got worse.    Diane didn't trust my mother with our kids, which my mom resented. My wife didn't want to attend my extended family gatherings. My mother was... Read More

Why are the rates of ADHD diagnosis rising?

Dr. Paul | January 09, 2019 |
 
In the United States, there is concern that Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD) in children is over diagnosed. The American Psychiatric Association suggests that 5% of children have ADHD, yet the United States Center for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that up to 11% of children are diagnosed with this condition. And they observe, that 6.1% of children between the ages of 4-17 take medication for the condition. There has been a dramatic increase in the rate of diagnosis and treatment over the last several years.    There is considerable speculation about this increase in diagnosis.... Read More

Parenting in the New Year

Dr. Paul | January 02, 2019 |
 

No doubt, one of the hardest jobs I ever had was parenting. Of course, once you have kids, you are always a Mom or a Dad.

But during the first 20 plus years of life, parents have huge responsibility—not just to provide for their children but to help them become independent, decent adults.

Finally, when children do become independent, we can sit back and relax a little. But it takes a long time to reach that moment.

As both a grandparent and a child psychologist, I can see how today’s parents feel particularly stressed. Two full-time working parents have become the norm... Read More

To make resolutions or not

Dr. Paul | December 26, 2018 |
 
New Years resolutions.

It’s hard to write about New Year’s—so much has been written about this holiday.  Some years, pundits suggest that making resolutions is a good thing. But then the next year, we’re told that no, it’s a bad idea. Of course, like most adults, I’ve made scores of New Year’s resolutions. Some lasted one week, some persisted for several months, and a scant few have been helpful, launching me forward on a chosen path.

New Year’s Eve is an opportunity to dance, connect with friends and family, drink champagne at midnight (if you can stay up that late), and watch the ball float down on the... Read More

Holiday stress

Dr. Paul | December 19, 2018 |
 
Stressed woman Christmas shopping on mobile device.

By now, holiday mayhem is peaking.  Smart holiday shoppers are closing in on their gift list for family and friends. Our local online company, Amazon, has made it easier to shop from home, resulting in less mall crawling and braving the crowds.

But that doesn't mean that holiday stress is over.

A recent study of 283,014 cases of heart attacks over a period of 16 years found that there is a 37% increased risk of having a heart attack on Christmas eve! The researchers used two weeks before and two weeks after Christmas as the baseline to measure the increased risk on Christmas... Read More

How important are grades?

Dr. Paul | December 12, 2018 |
 
Child showing good grades.

I’ve had a successful career as a psychologist. I’m the Director of The Everett Clinic’s Behavioral Health department which I started 25 years ago. Several years ago I was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award for my contributions to the clinic. I’ve also published many articles in professional journals.

Yet, I was an average student in High School, with a low B average. (I was also a chronic school truant, but that’s another story). I did get some decent grades in college in sociology and psychology, but I was far from a straight-A student. Yet despite my lackluster performance in... Read More

Coping with holiday sadness

Dr. Paul | December 05, 2018 |
 
Lighting a calendar with family members.

Before sunrise, the sky still dark, I start my walk around Greenlake. It’s quiet in the early morning, with just a few walkers or joggers. I love watching the sky grow lighter, slowly illuminating the trees and the shore of this urban green space. As dawn breaks, I hear the winter birds start their daily song.

This time of year, as I watch the sunrise, I’m sad. I think of my mother who passed away 5 years ago this winter. She had a heart attack right after the Christmas holiday and died two and a half months later. She was 92.

I spent many weeks with her at the end of her... Read More

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