Family Talk Blog

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Emotional regulation: Keeping your cool

Dr. Paul | January 21, 2020 |

Keeping your cool can be hard—especially when you’re hot under the collar, feel threatened, or are triggered by something you see, hear, or imagine. Now, we know why.

It’s the way your brain is wired.

Your brain’s number one priority is keeping you alive—not making you happy. Unfortunately, from a survival perspective, it's much more important to notice threats than opportunities. If you miss a pleasant prospect, that might be disappointing, but it probably won’t kill you. But miss a potential threat and that could be the end. We’re primed to recognize the negative, rather... Read More

Start the New Year with a family meeting

Dr. Paul | December 30, 2019 |

In the New year, kids start a new term in school. It’s a great time to reflect on autumn’s activities.

How was family life? How did the kids do in school? What about homework and housework? Were there moments of pause and peace? What were the big and small wins for each family member? What do you wish had gone differently?

Kids and parents start every school year with high hopes. John pledges he won’t procrastinate completing math homework. Sarah promises she will keep her room neat and clean. Bill vows that he will get to school on time. Children are the ultimate optimists.... Read More

Focusing on wellbeing this holiday season

Dr. Paul | December 30, 2019 |

The winter holidays are upon us. By now, most people know where they will be spending the holidays. Many married couples split their holiday between families—holiday morning with one set of family members, dinner with another set. Between holiday parties, entertaining, buying gifts, and preparing for the holiday, life can be hectic.

But it can also be bittersweet. My mother had a serious heart attack at the end of a Christmas vacation and died some weeks later. While it was six years ago, I’ve had moments of intense sadness every December since. I miss her and the holiday trips she... Read More

Overcoming frustration through patience

Dr. Paul | December 09, 2019 |

Several weeks ago, my wife and I were visiting our daughter and her family in Southern California. Wrestling with a latch on my 2-year-old granddaughter’s car seat, I couldn’t figure out how to open it. Our perky granddaughter, Layla, looked me in the eye, with her million-dollar smile and declared, “Don’t worry, grandpa, you can do it.”

After trying different strategies to open it, she repeated her refrain. By then I was frustrated, but I didn’t give up until I figured it out. After all, I wanted her to be right. Free at last, she said, still smiling— “I knew you could do it... Read More

Living with addiction

Dr. Paul | November 25, 2019 |

I just finished Paula Becker’s powerful memoir— “A House on Stilts: Mothering in the age of opioid addiction.” It’s a gripping story of a mom living through her son’s drug addiction. She writes from her heart, with brutal honesty. It’s a beautifully written, but painful story of how hope and fear can turn our souls inside out. Paula is a local author and her husband, Barry Brown, MD, is one of our own, a long-time physician at The Everett Clinic. Chemical dependency is an equal opportunity condition—It doesn't care if your parents are shoemakers, mechanics, engineers, or doctors.

Learning to be more honest with others

Dr. Paul | November 15, 2019 |

I saw a comedy recently that reminded me of something serious. The movie, “Late Night” starring Emma Thompson, is a story of a comic who is about to be replaced because her show has become stale. Why? Because she was no longer being herself, but instead was trying to please others. She didn't take any risks. Over time, her ratings declined.

In real life, honesty, authenticity, and direct communication can be undervalued, especially in our Northwest culture. How often do friends and co-workers tell you exactly what they think? More often than not, our local culture values indirect... Read More

Beating the seasonal blues

Dr. Paul | November 04, 2019 |

Autumn has arrived. Summer in the Northwest is everyone’s favorite season. The sky is a deep blue and the sun shines. We all look back at those lazy, bright days of summer with warm nostalgia.

I love the long days of summer. On July 4th, we have almost 16 hours of daylight. The sun rises around 5:15 a.m. and sets at 9:10 p.m. The western sky is lit until almost 10 p.m. It’s tough to get kids to bed in the summer and they’re up with the birds. The summer sun feeds our Northwest spirit.

But by October 15th, we only have around 10 hours and 50 minutes of daylight. The sun rises... Read More

Learning the meaning of real wealth

Dr. Paul | October 18, 2019 |

I spent my teenage years in New York City. My parents divorced when I was 13 years old and we moved to the city from the suburbs. I lived with my mother. She worked two jobs for several years, as did my father, to help pay for my brothers’ college tuition. My mother hired a housekeeper, Beulah, to help out while she was working.

I spent a lot of time over those years with Beulah. She and I developed a friendship that lasted decades beyond her working for my mother. She was a remarkable person. She grew up on the Mississippi Delta in abject poverty. She lived in the South Bronx with... Read More

Helping our youth live healthier

Dr. Paul | October 11, 2019 |

A recent 2019 study, reported in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, reviewed a national survey of over 600,000 Americans. Their findings were concerning. The rate of major depression increased by 52% from 2005 to 2017 in teenagers and 63% from 2009 to 2013 for young adults. Serious psychological distress among young adults increased 71% from 2008 to 2017.

They also found that these increases were particularly high for those born in the early 1980’s (Millennials) and in the late 1990’s. They found a generational association with increases in depression, distress, and suicidal... Read More

Spending quality time with your children

Dr. Paul | September 25, 2019 |

When I was growing up, children were sometimes seen but not heard. I remember family camping trips, picnics, and long car rides. Those excursions were warm and loving, but I hardly remember any individual time with either one of my parents.

On Sunday mornings I would drive with my father to the bakery to pick up sweet rolls and fresh bread. Those were special times. On holidays, I remember helping my mother bake her famous apple pie. I loved the smell of baking apples in the warm kitchen.

As the youngest of three boys, I often stayed back with my mom while my older brothers... Read More

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